Identifying Billy Mitchell

So you may or may not have heard the news, but famed Billy Mitchell had once held the world record for Donkey Kong at a score of 1,062,800 points. He held various similar and previous records, most infamously the 1,047,200 score which earned him the nickname the King of Kong. He had these scores up until very recently when he had his high score and any others all stripped of legitimacy. Even The Guinness World Records were notified of the change. The change was finalized by TwinGalaxies, a group that manages some of the most prestigious gaming leaderboards in the world.

However it is not this news that brought me some joy today. I honestly don’t quite care about Billy Mitchell’s scores, though I do have an appreciation for gamers keeping players honest in utilizing the proper ruleset to generate those scores. That said, I was scrolling through Twitter today when I came across the very post that @TwinGalaxies posted on the matter.

A comment had some attention from a user named Ethan Hunt. He wrote,…

“Ridiculous I stand with billy Mitchell. It’s a witch hunt I tell you. Everyone is just jealous of the cool infocommercials he does. I still think his oxiclean ones are the best”.

However then someone who goes by the name DavCloud replied,

“That’s Billy Mays. Billy Mitchell was the dad who narrated The Princess Bride.”

It didn’t stop there. Next Matt Armstrong replied,

“That’s Peter Falk. Billy Mitchell was the guy who performed Danger Zone from Top Gun!”.

This continued on in the same pattern of someone explaining who the previous person was talking about and then making the same mistake for over thirty replies. It was amazing. I felt like I had discovered a treasure chest in Zelda or that someone in front of me bought my coffee at Starbucks. (Fun Fact: That would never happen because I do not buy anything at Starbucks.) Alas it was a joy to come across because of how in-sync folks were with it. The thread has continued for eight hours now and it makes me wonder when it will truly stop. At what point will it cease? I’m tagged in it now because I had to partake… I couldn’t resist. So I’ll see where this ride goes and how it’ll end. You can check out the specific Twitter-thread by clicking on this very link to the thread. As of this writing though I wanted to share what has been said in order. I won’t be quoting the different Twitter users at this point so please be sure to go give them props if you like a particular one. Below you’ll also notice that some lines are juxtaposed to the right. This is because they’re anecdotes as the convo got slightly side-tracked. My particular contribution is in bold.

“Ridiculous I stand with billy Mitchell. It’s a witch hunt I tell you. Everyone is just jealous of the cool infocommercials he does. I still think his oxiclean ones are the best”

“That’s Billy Mays. Billy Mitchell was the dad who narrated The Princess Bride.”

“That’s Peter Falk. Billy Mitchell was the guy who performed Danger Zone from Top Gun!”

“You’re thinking of Kenny Loggins. Billy Mitchell won American Idol season 11 and his debut song became a huge hit.”

“You’re thinking of Phillip Phillips. Billy Mitchell is the guy who voiced Mike Wazowski in Monsters Inc.”

“That’s Billy Crystal. Billy Mitchell was the first companion of the Doctor Who revival.”

“That’s Billie Piper. Billy Mitchell was the dude who wrote Hamlet.”

“That’s William Shakespeare. Billy Mitchell was the protagonist and title of an Adam Sandler movie about a rich kid who goes back to school.”

“That’s Billy Madison. Billy Mitchell was a famous outlaw in the Wild West.”

“That’s Billy the Kid! Billy Mitchell was the guy who had an excellent adventure through time with his best friend, Ted.”

“That’s William ‘Bill’ S. Preston. Billy Mitchell is the title of a Michael Jackson song.”

“That’s Billy Jean. Billy Mitchell is the name of one of the villains from Dragon Ball Z”

“That’s Buu. Billy Mitchell is the name of the guy who sang Piano Man”

“That’s Billy Joel. Billy Mitchell is the name of the President in the movie Dave.”

“No, thats Bill Mitchell Billy Mitchell was the actor most known for Colt 45 beer ads and his appearances as Lando Calrissian.”

“No, that’s Billy D. Williams. Billy Mitchell was the televangelist known as “America’s Preacher.””

“You’re thinking of Billy Graham. Billy Mitchell was the guy Donald Trump was talking to on that Access Hollywood tape.”

“You’re thinking of Billy Bush. Billy Mitchell is the mayor of New York City.”

“Nah, that’s Bill de Blasio. Billy Mitchell is the front man of Green Day.”

“No, that’s Billy Joe Armstrong. Billy Mitchell played Captain James Tiberius Kirk in the original Star Trek series.”

“Nah that’s Bill Shatner. I think a ‘billy mitchell’ is a type of truncheon used for beating people about the head.”

“No, that’s a baton. Billy Mitchell was a two term president of the United States who got impeached in the 1990s.”

“I believe the answer they were looking for was Billy Club”

“A baton is still an unforgettable truncheon.”

“I’ll personally never forget when Billy Mitchell tried to kill Leonardo DiCaprio on the Titanic.”

“No, that was billy Zane. Billy Mitchell was that boy in that 2000 movie about a boy who wants to dance and do ballet just like the rest of the girls”

“Silly Ethan! That was Billy Elliot. Billy Mitchell was that crazy brother-of-a-president that had his own beer, Billy Beer!”

“That’s Billy Busch. Billy Mitchell was a US Army General considered to be the father of the Air Force.”

“No, Billy Mitchell was that lead singer for the 1990s alternative rock band Smashing Pumpkins.”

You’re mistaken, that was Billy Corgan. Billy Mitchell was the guy said “it’s a nice day, for a white wedding.” And ya know, it really was a nice day that day.

“Oh Stephen that was Billy idol! Billy Mitchell was the old guy who was married to Angelina Jolie.”

“Lindsay! That was Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Mitchell was the jovial bear that had a chain of fun pizza restaurants that featured his amazing band!”

“That’s Freddy from Five Nights at Freddy’s. Billy Mitchell is one half of a pair of kids who has “soul” possession over Grim the Reaper.”

“No that was the Grim Adventures of Billy. Billy Mitchell was the Ghostbuster that slimed in the hotel.”

“Nah thats Bill Murray. Billy Mitchel was the guy in pokemon red and blue who accidentally turned into an Abra”

“Nah, that was Bill. Billy Mitchell is that thing that you server gives you when you’re done eating your food at a restaurant.”

“Silly Alex that’s a bill. Billy Mitchell is the fat, bald guy in King of the Hill that got divorced.”

“No, that was Bill Dautreive Billy Mitchell was the female tennis star who won the battle of the sexes.”

“Nah, that’s Billie Jean King. Billy Mitchell was that Disney animator who went on to write a kid’s book about a dove raising a griffin.”

“Silly Codie, that’s Bill Peet. Billy Mitchell was that guy what founded Microsoft with Paul Allen.”

“Silly Kyoji that’s Bill Gates. Billy Mitchell is the guy who voices Fry on Futurama”

“No that’s Billy West! Billy Mitchell was the guy from Twister who found his soulmate in a vortex of love”

and then lastly…

“No, that’s Bill Paxton. Billy Mitchell is an orange-yellow pigment formed in the liver by the breakdown of hemoglobin and excreted in bile.”

I still don’t quite understand why this joys me so much. But it does. Hope it made you smirk as well.


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